the mourning after, my first book of poetry, is a retrospective volume comprised of selected pieces written over the last 15 years. The book explores sex, love, heartbreak, loss, grief, anger and human relationships.

I collaborated on this project with my longtime friend Andreas Loutas, a naturally gifted artist whose work is dark, complex and provocative. Andreas created 43 original illustrations inspired by my poetry, including full-colour front and back covers.

the mourning after is self-published and self-designed. I did all the print layout work myself and prepped digital files for an on-demand publishing company that produces and ships the books in any requested quantity as they are ordered online via their website.

I’ve been writing for almost as long as I can remember. I’ve been writing poetry with specific focus since I was in high school, although I can remember attempting to do so from as young as 11, when I endeavoured to write an ode to the lake at which my family was vacationing. In my teen years, I was fond of the classics. Byron, in particular. When We Two Parted is still one of my favourite poems. Unfortunately, this also meant I became a little obsessed with rhyming quatrains in iambic pentameter. I wrote a lot of poetry, usually several poems every day, and most of it was pretty bad.

Fortunately, I also discovered the likes of quintessential Canadian poet Leonard Cohen and singer-songwriters like Tori Amos, Sarah McLachlan, Natalie Merchant, Ani Difranco, and Jann Arden. I had also been fed a steady diet of sixties/seventies and even eighties rock ‘n’ roll and folk from a young age by my parents, and in high school I happened upon some friends who were also into “the oldies”. We listened to The Beatles, Billy Joel, Bob Dylan, Simon & Garfunkel, Pink Floyd. I took a particular interest in interpreting lyrics and applying their meaning to situations in my own life. The influence of all this helped me get out of the “teen angst poetry” box and expand my thinking to consider writing poetry in a more adult context. By the time I hit university, I was fully immersed in free verse. There are pieces in this book that were written when I was 18 and 19 that I feel still stand up to the scrutiny of my 33-year-old self-editor.

Song lyrics have always been a huge inspiration to me in my writing, and that will probably always be the case, as has the confessional poetry of women writers like Sylvia Plath and Anne Sexton, whose work was and continues to be groundbreaking. And my poetry has always been (and I don’t think *can* ever be anything but) personal. From the beginning, I have always believed in the tenet “write what you know”. Despite the suggestions of instructors and peers that I might consider attempting a more observational style, writing about things outside of my own personal experience, by and large whenever I have tried that on it has never felt quite right. I have always been most attracted to others’ work that allows me to feel like I know the writer at the end of the piece. Whether the work is fact or fiction is besides the point. While there are pieces in this book that are inspired by subject matter outside of my own personal experience, all of them come from a place of introspection.

And while I long ago abandoned my obsession with iambic pentameter, I still very much love to play with language in my poems. I love alliteration, assonance, internal rhyme, false rhyme, rhythm, rhetorical repetition, and unusual words.

Poetry is a part of me. I didn’t make this book because I think it’ll rocket to the top of the best-seller list or because I think it’ll bring me fame, accolades or even notoriety. I made this book because it has been my dream for over a decade. I did it because I had to. And I wasn’t about to wait for an agent or an editor in a publishing house or a judge on a first book committee to tell me I’m a poet or that people should read my poetry. I am fortunate to have the skills to make the book and the resources to have it produced myself. So I did. I made my dream come true.

I cannot say enough amazing things about the work my friend Andreas Loutas did as the illustrator of this book. Dre and I go way back. Like junior high school way back. He’s a natural-born artist, musician and poet. I’ve been watching Dre make art since we were 16 years old, and even then I knew he’d been put on this earth to make art. I knew there was no one else I could collaborate with on this. Not only does he know me and my writing, but he is intimately familiar with many of the situations and individuals who inspired my writing along the way.

I have always been a fan of Andreas’ work, which I find incredibly provocative. This is evident in the care and attention to detail he paid to each of the illustrations for the poems. They are not always entirely literal, and Andreas definitely brought his own spin, point of view, and interpretation to the material through his illustrations. I am as excited for him as for myself about the launch of this project, as this book would definitely not be what it is today without him. We are already looking forward to our next collaboration.

I owe a huge debt of gratitude to the amazing and supportive people in my life who helped make this book a reality. First, Robyn Taylor and Emily Dykes. These two women have been my best friends since I was in high school, and have been my staunchest supporters as a writer. I recall the countless evenings I spent with them during my late teens and early 20s, probably the most prolific period in my personal history of writing poetry, sharing our work and our ideas with one another, times I remember so fondly. Both of them have used pieces of my poetry as lyrics for original songs they recorded over the years, and both of them have personally inspired me to follow my dream and self-publish this book via their own work in songwriting, music, performance art, new media, and theatre.

As well, Karyn Hatton. Karyn has literally been my sounding board and my fresh set of eyes and ears for the last 10 years. I don’t think there’s a single piece in this book that she hasn’t seen before (and then exclaimed, without fail, “Kasia, it’s brilliant!” — love her for that). One of the staples of our friendship has always been our “estrogen fests”, where we get together to drink wine and share our writing with each other. Our forays into “gauntlet poetry” and writing under pressure have kept me producing even when I had little to no inspiration. During the early days of the compilation, revision, and editing process, Karyn often helped guide me in the right direction when I was struggling with something, helping me to clarify my vision. Karyn is brilliant poet in her own right, and the clarity, unpretentiousness, insight, and accessibility of her work has inspired me again and again. Her tireless encouragement and belief in my work was instrumental in seeing this project come to fruition.

I want to thank the friends I made in my WRIT 394 creative writing poetry workshop at the University of Alberta during the 98/99 academic year, and the summer that followed. In particular, I want to thank Clayton Dach, Cherina Sparks, Becky Traquair, and Jon Turner. These people are pretty much the only real friends I took away from my university years. Workshopping poems with them was always challenging, sometimes frustrating, often inspiring, definitely memorable. I would never have guessed on the day we all first met in class, and even for quite sometime thereafter, that they would have become my lifelong friends. Their continued friendship and support mean the world to me, even though we are all on very different paths these days. I miss the time when we were all in the same city, getting our first apartments, going clubbing, selling our writing wrapped around condoms on the streets of Edmonton, photographing staged bondage scenes. If that’s what the college experience is supposed to be, then darlings, you were it.

I also want to thank the people of Words with Friends, especially my co-organizer Jason Lee Norman. I originally conceived of self-publishing a poetry book in the summer of 2008, but those plans fell by the wayside through 2009 and 2010, and by the spring of 2011 when Jason and I first met to talk about planning a creative writing event together, I had all but abandoned the project. It was experiencing and seeing the incredible level of talent, ingenuity, and flair for self-publishing from some of the writers attending Words with Friends that really inspired me to revisit the project and see it through, and that reignited my passion for poetry.

I am so incredibly excited and grateful for the opportunity to share this project, to put it out there without hesitation or regrets.

Buy the book!

Copies are also available to buy from me directly. If you are here in Edmonton, I am always willing to meet you and/or deliver your book personally. E-mail me at confessionality@gmail.com to inquire.

Additionally, both Audrey’s Books (10702 Jasper Avenue) and Greenwoods’ Bookshoppe (10309 Whyte Avenue) are carrying the mourning after. The wonderful independent retailers both have great reputations for supporting local authors, and I am very proud to have my book on the shelves of their poetry sections.